Ayden Goes to the Doctor

05/24/2017! (Yes this post is dated. I forgot all about it until I saw it now..)

The first time Ayden did not cry at his doctors appointment.

Every appointment in the past has been him excited to take the elevator up to the doctors office. And period! The screaming, crying and anxiety issues start soon after.

I’d let him go up and down the elevator at least twice. My thought process here is that this process would help ease him a little bit. But just as soon as we’ve reached the second floor, his face would change, or he’d reluctantly walk, or drag himself or say, “Mumma cawwiee me“.

As soon as the nurse calls out his name, the cry starts and also the “All done” screams (even before we get started). Ayden cries for getting undressed, for checking his weight, height, opening his mouth to check his throat, ear or anything. The minute the doctor enters the room ALL hell breaks lose. He screams a lot more!

2.5 years and its been tears, shouts, tears, shouts and more tears and shouts. Honestly after an appointment I am drained because for about an hour of waiting, getting in, and his checkup, its just screaming, crying, yanking and pulling. And boy-oh-boy is that exhausting or what!

I started reading him the book, “Corduroy goes to the doctor” for a week now and thankfully, he now loves the book. 1

Day before at night, I told him we were going to see the doctor the next day and he was as usual talking about the elevators that get him there. As soon as we reached we went up the elevator (this time just once as we were running late for our 9am appointment). And that did not seem to bother him.

For a change I saw Ayden happily hopping to the doctors office. He then starts playing with the toys there and I am sitting there staring in wonder. I have never had a chance to sit on the waiting chairs until now.

The nurse calls his name and he runs after her. And she says, “he’s a happy boy today!” I go in after him, and she asks to bring him out to his height and weight check. This child sits to take him shoes off and goes after the nurse and stands on the scale with so much pride. At this moment my eyes are literally popping out. Because MY Ayden Koshy, the son I birthed, has never been this easy. My shirt, my pants and my hair are ALL in place! That’s the FIRST TIME EVER!!!! I have not been yanked, pulled, kicked or gone deaf by his flying hands and feet and his screaming and wailing mouth! #PeaceOnEarthMoment

He soon went to the room, and sat there with me talking about the different decals on the wall. As soon as the doctor walked in, a usually petrified and crying Ayden sat there smiling wide and said “Good morning Doctor“. I could have fainted at this moment.

So Momma’s my point in all this– Yes toddlers do the stupidest things, behave the craziest, have terrible reflexes. All of them scream, whine, and cry. They are all unreasonable and demanding. Some are better than the other. But ultimately they ALL grow out of the various phases. We are not stuck forever. And if anyone’s toddler has doctor anxiety issues, then this Corduroy book is helpful.

Preschool… Sigh!

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One place Ay hates to go is preschool. Yes, I know ‘hate’ is a strong word. But what other word can you use when your child cries at night as well as in the morning saying he does not want to go to school? 😦

Our everyday morning conversation:

Me: “Ayden, you are going to have so much fun with your teacher and friends at school
Him: “No I stay home with Mumma” 😦

Brushing, changing clothes, breakfast– everything starts off happy but two minutes in, and he’s whining when he realizes its all the steps before going to school. Sigh!

Finally we wear our shoes and are out the door. And I get constant requests- “Mumma I sit carseat and put buckle“, “Mumma lets go to the elevator“, “Put wheels on the bus“, “Put old mcDonald pwease“, or “Mumma turn the cd off“. I take any request because I do not want him to cry again.

But on the drive he remembers he’s going to school, and it starts “no school Mumma” accompanied with frowns, tears, screams. He’s just not happy. And I try and push in some pep lines of how there will be ABC song, playground time, story time etc. but really, nothing makes him happy. Sigh again.

I make that turn into preschool and there’s a loud burst of tears. I pick him out of the car and he pleads “lets go home“, “no school Mumma“. At this point I feel like crap. I am forcing my son to do something he just hates. I feel helpless. At this point I stop bragging about school. But I just hold him tight, and tell him everything will be ok.

As we walk in and through the corridors, I whisper how much I love him, and tell him how great his day is going to be. And I greet everyone I see with a bright smile, because I want Ayden to pick on the happiness. But no, he’s still unhappy. I walk into his class and greet his teachers and say hello to his friends and literally choke while I say the same line every morning, “Mumma loves you Ayden. Everything will be ok, I promise. I will be back soon!” His eyes look at me, and good Lord I die of guilt. Every single morning! His teacher lovingly takes him and starts to distract him. There’s giant tears rolling out of his eyes and cheeks and face getting red.

And once I turn, the complete meltdown happens. And my child is screaming and crying “call my Mumma“, “Mumma coming back“, “I want Mumma“. I stand outside his classroom listening to all this, while constantly telling myself that I am doing it for his good. I wait until he’s calmed down before I leave. I feel helpless. I feel like a giant abandoner. I have cried many tears myself when I am walking out and while in the car. I text R to ask if we are doing the right thing. I whatsapp my parents asking them what I should do, or end up Skyping when I feel like bursting out!

I like to think of Ay having a great time running around, and coloring and playing and just having a good time alongside his friends. To have fun just the way it was intended to be. But that, I think is somewhere along the way. Not right away anyway.

This preschool ride has not been easy. Not one bit! We even changed schools. And it’s still our first week in this new school. I hope things get better for both of us. And I hope he will soon run in through those doors happy and cheerful, waving a big HAPPY goodbye to me.

I really want him to enjoy and love going to preschool. If anyone has tips, advice, or ideas on how to make this better, I’d love to hear from you ❤

 

Happy Mother’s Day Mumma’s!

“When you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.”

1.jpgWhen did those eyebrows become thicker?
When did that head fill up with hair?
When did those fists uncurl?
Where did those sweet baby features vanish?

…. And to imagine all this happened right in front of my eyes!!!!

#Dang #Sob #SonShine #BlinkedAndGone #SmallTugInMyHeart#MothersDay2017

Happy (belated) Mother’s Day to every mother who thinks the same upon looking at their child’s old pics. Haha even when your child has reached retirement age

Thank you my precious son (who looks nothing like me) for this privilege, honor and blessing to be your Mumma 💙 #Established2014

Hope you Mumma’s had a great day.

God bless us all as we strive on to raise amazing humans!

Happy (quarter of a decade) birthday, Son!

Dear Dapper boy of mine,

A quarter of a decade ago you stole my heart.

Two point five years ago you taught me what true, mad, uncontrollable, infinite, unconditional love feels like. You changed me. You changed my world.

Before giving birth to you, I never fancied the idea of having a boy. Because truth be told, I never knew what I would ever do with a little boy. I wanted a girl because I loved the idea of dressing her up. And also to me boys meant dirt, cars, balls, constant motion, sports and more dirt (none of which interested me much).

But you, little Ay, proved me all wrong. I have entered such a creative land of boy clothing that its currently my wonderland. Unlike girl clothes that are so cute from the minute you pick it up, boy clothes need some mix-and-match to make it all look awesome.  Thank you for allowing me dapper you all up for so long. I hope you let me do more of that for much much longer.

Yes, you are all about dirt and cars, and balls, and soccer, and constantly moving around. There’s constant learning, questioning and exploring. But beneath all this motion and noise, is my gentle and loving boy. Full of snuggles and kisses. You have this certain warmth about yourself that even while you drive me mad, my heart still melts for you. All at once! You are a very soft and sensitive boy. An introvert, just like your Mumma.

I absolutely love how you will be eating and will call out for me and ask for a hug. Or come by when I am in the kitchen and hug my leg and ask me to bend down to give me a kiss. Or at night while sleeping, your arms curl around my neck.

Things that are different at 2.5:

  • You were a complete dare devil. An absolute fear-free firecracker. Nothing scared you. You would jump around, climb things, fall and yet do it again.
    Nope! you never learned a lesson. Ever!
    However, at 27m you seem like you suddenly became more aware of your surroundings. And I see you thinking twice sometimes before you do some things. Even if I say “Go on, BooBoo“, I sometimes see reluctance in your eyes. Which (goodness me) was never the case.
  • You are so much more expressive with your language. And gosh I love your sentences, and the way you creatively use your words. That, coupled with your body language and nods and smirks– my favorite! ❤
  • You ask for more hugs and kisses. And you come along and give some too!
  • Lots and lots of learning.
  • Your every line starts with “I WANT…” (because you appreciate no help).
  • You are very aware of your surroundings, you understand consequences, and you know (very well) what to expect when you see where we are going, what we are doing and who we are with.

Things that did not change:

  • You now are just ok-ok with the birthday song, but you still dislike the loud clapping and cheering after the song. That still upsets you a whole lot.
  • You still don’t believe in independent play. You still love to stick by us for everything you do (Argh!)
  • You still hate nap/ sleep time.
  • You are an absolute fireball and don’t believe in slowing down or resting or not-running around even for a minute.

Favorites :

  • Food – Buttered toast with spread. Chocolate croissant. Nuts. Cheese. Curd.
  • Fruit – Orange. Apple. Watermelon.
  • Drink – Water. Apple juice. Milk.
  • Animal – Dogs. Squirrels. Birdie.
  • Toy – Balls. Puzzles. Balloon.
  • Your favorite lines – “Lets go downstairs and open the garage door.” “Go up the elevator/ escalator.” “I love you so much.”
  • Book –Goodnight moon (been a favorite since birth). Goodnight God. Thank you prayer. Book of Rhymes. Dear Zoo.
  • Rhymes –ABC song. Five little monkeys. Phonics song.
  • Screen time –Chu Chu TV (your fav, and my least fav). Little Baby Bums.
  • Activity – Reading. Playing ball. Playing with water. Jumping and running. Swings and Slides.
  • Hate- Going to school. Going to bed.

IMG_9333Toddler boy, you still are our baby boy! And I wish I could keep you this little for much longer. It’s so bittersweet watching you grow ❤

My prayer for you:

May your hands always and constantly reach out and grasp wisdom and knowledge. May your feet always chase truth and justice. May your eyes always see beauty in everything around you. May your tongue always speak the truth. May your mouth always wear a smile. May your heart always seek the Almighty. And may you give and know love completely, unconditionally, sincerely and courageously. May you forever be loved, cared for, successful and humble. Amen!

Happy half birthday bubba!

Love you so much Boo. You are our favorite little boy in the whole world!

I love you– always have, forever will,
Mumma

“Good” night- A distant dream!

2.jpgWhen Ay was a baby I loved nap and bed time. I longed to put my sweet child to sleep. He was not too fussy and would need his milk, a book or two, some lullabies or humming and some bouncing and swaying. And soon enough, he’d be asleep. Calm and warm.

After around 16m, this task became harder and harder. And now with him being 2+, its nothing less than frustrating. The very thought of putting him to sleep two times a day stresses me out. I even have anxiety issues when I know that his sleep schedule is going for a toss!

Yesterday we did our entire night time ritual – we had dinner, we watched cartoon, we played in the water and took a warm shower, we changed into our PJ’s, we brushed our teeth and we read books. I turn off the lights, and we pray. I ensure I stick to timings and routines cos those worked for us in the past. Like a charm! But these days, no matter what I do, we always end up in a huge war at nap time and bed time.

So as per my schedule, after the books were read, I turned off the light and we prayed. And then I said “Good night booboo“, for which in response I got some whining and screams. In the past, we would play and I would teach him a thing or two, and just cuddle and have some fun before he fell asleep. But these days, even without me doing anything, he seems to be so hyper and so I am trying to strictly follow the “lights out and sleep” policy.

So I hug him and kiss him and then start patting him to sleep. I feel his irritation and lack of interest to sleep. Yes my kid is super expressive when it comes to this. But I continue patting and singing rhymes on-demand (no humming allowed).

Soon enough he stretches over me onto the table and pulls a book we were reading. He decides to read in the dark. We read the same books at night (cos routine…) and so he knows most of the stories by-heart. And so, using his limited vocabulary he ‘reads (aka recites) the story’. Next he loudly practices saying all his words, sentences, rhymes, alphabets and numbers 1-20 and then 10-1 in reverse.

Oh! and then there’s the “Where’s your leg?” kicks- where he puts the blanket over himself, and then asks himself the question and frantically kicks the blanket away. He giggles and giggles and makes a game out of it. Every.Single.Night.

And in between all this there is the constant “Mumma waa-waa peash” (read: Mumma please give me water). Waa-Waa is how we all refer to ‘water’ at home. I must say, Ay makes up for all the water content his body needs during bedtime and throughout the night. At least 3 times a night I am awoken by him for water (though these days it also includes milk and cheese requests), which obviously I try hard to dodge (cos lazy…).

So coming back to his bedtime. He’s constantly doing one thing after the other, despite me laying beside him pleading to stop talking, quit kicking and close his eyes to sleep.

But no, the intensity just increases. And then I implement the most repeated phrase “ignore, and they will stop” policy. But with this kid, no luck with that too.

Its probably been 35-40 minutes of this, and at this point I am losing my mind. Slowly yet steadily. I am deep breathing and holding tight onto the last drop of sanity that’s left in me. I can feel my blood pressure rising. And then I resort to Phase 2: Where I am firm and raise my voice and ask him to quit doing what he was and just sleep..

After we cross an hour, I am usually so drained out of any patience, and we move to Phase 3: I cover myself under the blanket and refuse to talk or respond to Ay. He is never happy with that move and will whine and cry sometimes for a bit and go “Mumma” in repeat mode until he gets bored, and falls asleep.

Now if that fails, and he continues to cry/ whine, then I resort to Phase 4: Storm out of the room and use my call-a-friend-option and run to the husband (R) and use the usual line- I JUST CAN’T PUT HIM TO SLEEP!

R goes in and then the crying becomes worse. Cos Ay strongly prefers Mumma when its time to sleep. I hate exchanging responsibility especially for that reason, but sometimes its just too much for me to handle. R tries to pacify Ay and asks him what rhyme he wants and he sings those while patting him and hugging him to soothe. After that R moves to “no nonsense” mode. Sometimes Ay gives in and goes to sleep in no time. Sometimes the crying just goes on.

Last night, it went on. By then I got 10 minutes for myself and that was enough for me to settle down. I still hear Ay crying and calling out for me, and my heart melts (the same heart that had no drop of patience left in it just a few minutes back).

I go back but again I try to be respectful of our mother-father boundary. I start sending texts asking for R to come out so I can start where I left-off. But R insisted that he just put him to sleep (cos discipline…).

And here I am standing by the door (half in-half out) wanting desperately to go in cos my baby boy wants me, but holding off cos I know its probably not a good pattern for Ay to get used to. But sigh that maternal thing always trumps. Yes R was slightly mad at me. But not in that end-of-the-world kind of mad. But the more you-always-choose-to-spoil-our-kid way. Well, guess he is right and I’m probably just harboring bad behavior that I may regret later. But I must add, all with good intentions! I walk in, and R goes out. Haha I love how we take turns cos our sanity is a priority in this household.

And there’s my lil Ay! Standing on the bed, half-holding his blankie and all relived and happy and with full energy to throw a party (cos Mumma is back…) Sigh!. I get back in and there’s me holding and kissing and hugging him. And we start all over again with rhymes on demand, and patting and back-rubbing. It goes on for sometime and I know he’s tired but he’s trying (so freakin’ hard) not to sleep, but gradually gives in and falls asleep.

And then there’s me! Laying awake beside him, hearing him breathe softly and all warm. And feeling terrible for the many times I ran low on energy and patience during the day specifically nap and bed time. Guilty for getting so upset over his lack of sleep. #DamnYouGuilt

I begin to think if its cos I am having huge expectations, or because I am trying to be perfect with my two year old. And almost always, I never have an answer. I have a happy kid almost all day minus sleep time. And at that point both me and him are just so mad that I think we both deserve a time out. Argh!

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I know routines are important for children, and we try so hard to follow it (except on days he’s sick or there’s something else that takes priority). But despite all that, when this is an everyday saga, it gets tiresome. Even super frustrating. That I think maybe I should just let him cry it out to sleep at night (Yea, well that’s not happening!).

I get advice saying “Just let him sleep when he wants to” but that means he sleeps super late and not slept enough before he’s woken up for school. And cos somewhere in me, I am not happy with my child sleeping late. #DamnYouOCD

Why the heck can’t there be a pleasant in-between?!

I guess my only solace in all this is, I know like all mums, I am giving it my all.

Yes I am definitely making mistakes on the way (learning from some, ignoring some, and probably haven’t realized some). And I’m thankful for a partner who takes on when I am at the end of my rope, though the maternal heart is confusing to his mind 🙂

In conclusion, Motherhood: It is a beautiful journey, no doubt. But certain days or specific times during the day, is a killer. You get your butt kicked HARD. But like swimming in the ocean, you keep paddling every wave, as it comes. Cos you are in this for life. And only you can help your child transition through the hard phases (..while dragging yourself along!).

And though this kid consistently drives me up the wall during his sleep time, this Dapper boy will forever own my ❤

The First Step (read: leap) To Letting My Baby Go

p.jpgWe talked about it. We read books together about going to school and how fun it is and how Mumma loves you when we are together and apart. We went by the place and got to know your teachers and friends! We spoke about how your day would be and what all you would do! And I tried to sound as chirpy as I could to get you excited.

And that day came. And that moment happened. Today! I hugged you tight and for a while longer before Appa left with you and that’s the only way I knewto do this right. Mumma’s are supposed to be strong. But I didn’t have it in me to drop you off, and see those fat tears in your eyes.

My sweet baby boy you took a step out of your comfort zone and you allowed us help spread your wings.

Yes, there were tears. Lots of it. There was crying. Tons of it. All of us involved. There were moments where you and we were equally lost. But we all held tight and hung in there. Most importantly, you did it!! And we are sooooooo proud of you.

Yes it broke our hearts and yes it still makes us very sad to imagine you there all by yourself (without Mumma beside you every minute, the way you are used to it) but we know this is the first step towards letting you go, to allow you discover who you are!

Good luck my son! You will soon realize Mumma isn’t the coolest person on the face of this earth, and while that may break my heart, I will gladly let you choose life the way you want, and by your terms.

As you move far and wide in this adventure of life– seeking your own goals, choosing your own friends, finding your passion and chasing your dreams. Remember I’m here, always there for you– when you need someone to hold you tight and say “it’s ok Bubba, tomorrow is a new day!”

I will forever love you fiercely and I will always have your back. That’s a Mumma promise for life

Tonight I will hug you tighter and hold you closer. And tomorrow we will do it all again..

#NewAdventure #DaycareMumma #Son #Bittersweet

Happy Second Birthday, Vaavu

Wow, didn’t I just blog about your 18m half birthday. Like yesterday?

I am sure that the someone who came up with the quote, “time flies when you are having fun” was a mum with her growing child.

Mumma blinked again, and we leaped from 18m to 24m. Just like that!

I still remember the months leading up to your first birthday.  There was a heartache associated with every moment. Even when I was DIY-ing your nautical birthday items, there were several teary eyed moments.  It was quite emotional.  And I remember how tears constantly streamed down my face while I typed your first birthday letter.

That love was fierce in a different way.  It was deeply instinctual. You were my baby and I needed you more than you needed me. We stuck like a Mumma-Baby Koala pair. And even today, I miss that baby. To be precise, my baby.

Most definitely the second birthday feels different from the first year.  Because this year, you figured out this thing called “independence”.  And each day of this year, you steadily demand that I let go of pieces of you, even when I try to subtly hang on.  And today, I want to celebrate the person you are. And I want to see the person you are today, evolve to be the person you will become tomorrow.

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Compared to last year, you are your own person. You go by your rules, trying to dodge mine every chance you get. You want to brush alone, you want to feed alone, you want to climb stairs alone, you want to walk alone and not hold hands. You are constantly exploring and fearless. And before when Mumma said “Ok bye Vaavu.. see ya!“, you would run behind me. But today if I said the same, you wave back and go your way.  Now I run behind you.

I see a specific personality. And everyday I see more and more of that person you are growing up to be. And there are moments where I marvel at how wonderful you are. Like the Bible describes, fearfully and wonderfully made. Sometimes your level of understanding and problem-solving intrigue me.  You really are a lot of fun to hang around with.  And I would feel the same even if you were not my son, cos yes bud, you are just too cool!

Needless to say, your endless energy does tire us out so constantly. And there are many days when I have wished that you would calm down and simply play with a toy or color, and not be so wacky. But on a sad or gloomy day, your giggles, hugs and kisses refuel me instantly. You work like magic!

And from the first time you did it till this very moment, “that pout” crumbles my heart like no other. I could give up anything to ensure your happiness. Son, you need to know that there is no greater pride, or joy I have but you.  Everything I do in life, I do for youPlease remember that the next time you have a meltdown, throw a toy at my head, or whack me out of frustration.

I love that we still share the togetherness factor. We wake up together. Say prayers together. Brush together. Have meals together. Play together. Go to office together. Sleep together. Cuddle together. Clean together. Cook together. Everything is always together, for the most part. And I have grown so used to it. To the extent that going to the loo without an audience feels like something about that bio-break is incomplete.

And guess what! I am mighty glad we are stuck together (though there are days and moments when I might say otherwise for a few hours). But I would do this all over, without a second thought. For you! Only YOU!

You don’t know it, but you truly inspire me to do better in life, be a better person, and make me believe that this world is a lovely place. Yes, you are the most colorful part of my world, and my favorite piece of the puzzle.  And I would choose you over and over to do life with. Today, tomorrow, day after.. until forever and after.

What I love the most about you this year?

The meaningful baby speech, that I was so badly waiting for. The expressions, gestures and means of communication. Though you said Mummaaa last year, you did not make the connection.  But this year you do! You know who your Mumma and Appa are! The cute toddler-way you say words, rhymes, alphabets, colors, shapes, numbers and broken sentences. And off-course the super-adorable way you say your name, ‘Ayydee‘.

Mumma still is so eager for you to say more and more, but this was one of my biggest “waiting moments” for you, to refer to us Mumma and Appa, to communicate, to let us know what you feel, to express yourself. And yes it was my most favorite parts of this year!

There’s more– Your deliberate hugs and kisses. The tight squeeze I get around my neck through the night as and when you wake up. Your contagious giggle. Your crazy obsession with Twinkle Twinkle little star and how you show me the action 100,00,0ttls00 times a day and want us to sing it to you, and read you the book. The way you need the Twinkle Twinkle little star book when you fall asleep at night. The way you show actions for rhymes with your cute toddler-hands. The way you say your ABC’s, skipping alphabets that are simply not your favorites. Your Olympics winning speed to do anything involved with running, jumping or climbing. The way you clean up.

** Boy oh boy, am I crazy about you or what!

Our wish for you is the same as we wished since the day we knew and met you. To be happy, God-fearing, blessed, loved, humble, passionate, soft-hearted, successful and healthy. I pray God grants your heart’s every desire, tiniest to the biggest.

As you journey into the next year—the year very fondly known as “TERRIBLE two’s“. Though I think we have seen a lot of that already and though we know how exhausting and frustrating it can be all at once, I am hopeful we will have a pleasant year with just enough insanity thrown in for good measure (Gulp!)! So, here’s cheers (in advance) to a year filled with abundant “terrific” than “terrible” moments.  *Cheers!– Munchkin 360 cup & Mumma cup clink-clink* A Mumma is allowed to dream, ok!

Whatever be the case, I will remember through the next year that being Mumma means growing up all over again with you. So I will continue to laugh when you laugh, jump when you jump, run when you run, sit down beside you for every meltdown, read a book 5 times in repeat mode, and tell you its-ok when really, it’s not. I will chase away every nightmare, protect you like a wild mama bear, and be there for you, always.  And try to be as pleasant as I possibly can be when you refuse to fall asleep both during nap-time and bed-time and keep me beside you for 2-3 hours (argh, this one is the hardest for me).blog

Vaavu, no matter what, and no matter how old you are, know one thing. This heart of mine is right there with you, growing alongside you, and my love will keep rapidly increasing every minute to cover every inch of you.  I will always love you, and have your back, no matter what. That’s my promise to you. And one day, when you grow up to be a big man, I hope you will love and trust me not just as your Mumma, but also as your friend.

This year is special. Because even amidst all your big-boy face and shenanigans, that baby boy of yesterday crops up. So many times a day. Those curled baby fists when you sleep, the looking out for Mumma when you wake up, the baby squeal I still sometimes hear in your laughs, the few expressions you make that still take me back to your boo-boo days, the pointing and babbling. You still say wa-wa sometimes for water, and then quickly correct yourself. These are precious, because you, though a little boy now, are still a baby too. And maybe next year I will not find most of these, and they will be only be memories of your Baby Boo days and moments.

So much has changed from day 1 to now.  But one thing remains the very same, since the minute I saw you. That explosion of emotions! That remains the very same even today. And though your heart is now not beating within me, my heart will continue to beat for the two of us. Always!  Looking forward to growing young with you, little man.

You have brought your Appa and me so much joy and cheer. And you brought along with you so much love, laughter and emotions, that from the first moment we laid eyes on you, we knew you completed the family puzzle. You filled in so many gaps, and your presence in the house is the best thing we ever created. We love you so much, and we forever will until our last breath.

2But for now, we wish you a very HAPPY birthday, our Dapper boy and precious son (I hold my head high up when I say these two words). Continue being the sweet, passionate, curious, smart, pretty boy you are. Yes ‘pretty’ cos 9/10 times the compliments for you have references: “she is so pretty“, “your daughter is so cute” or “beautiful young lady“. Let’s just blame it on Appa for wanting to grow your hair for a whole year (haha!)

Looking back, all I can say is, these have been the best two years of my life. Thank you for coming into my life & sharing so much with me ! I love you more than words can ever say ❤

Forever yours,
Mumma

Supporting a Cause, Supporting another Mother..

Disclaimer: This blog is different. It’s not about me or my son, or my life. It’s about the life of another mom and her son. I do not know them. But I support the cause.

This is a real story, the struggle is real, and it’s harsh reality.

picWho is this mum?

Her name is Siminder Kaur. She is an Indian girl who has her family back in India, and was living with her husband and son in the United States until recently.

What is her story?

(In her own words..)

My son was with me and my husband till 15 months of age, and I cared & provided for him, just like any other parent. He was the center of my world and I couldn’t have possibly imagined a world without him, however my worst nightmare has turned into a reality.

Things started to spiral due to some marital issues that got aggravated last year and we decided to leave my son with my husbands’ parents in India in Nov 2015. Due to the pressure and manipulation by my husband and in-laws, I went back to US with my husband to work on our marriage; we mutually agreed that we will bring our son back to his home after 3-4 months while we work on resolving our issues. However things took a turn for the worse when I kept telling my husband to bring our son back and he kept on making excuses and buying time, and in the end, he blatantly refused. We couldn’t resolve our differences. That’s when I realized that he never had the intention of resolving any issues or bringing back our son; it had been a ploy all along. On Apr 21, 2016, I was homeward bound in a desperate attempt to get my son back; with only one week vacation in hand and a return ticket for me and my son. It’s been more than 2 months now and I still haven’t seen my son.

How do I know her?

I must be clear and so I repeat, I do not know this mom personally.  I met her on an online group where she shared her story one post at a time. And then she was asked to create her own FB support page and she did, and thats where I read more about her.

I have had few chats with her (via FB messenger) for answers I was seeking and to clarify details that were puzzling to me.  She seemed straightforward and innocent. Again, I did not dig too deep or cross lines with my questions to her, because I am not her family or close friend.

Nonetheless, being a mother, I support the cause: Reuniting a mother and child.

And that’s solely why I am on it and trying to spread the word.  Doing my small part to ensure justice is served.

Why I care?

Mostly because I have a son almost Anhad’s (her son) age.  And I cannot for the life of me imagine my son being away from me even for a day.  Whenever I read her posts or think of her, I feel how lucky I am to have my son so close to me. All day long– to see, to hug, to hold, whenever he needs it and whenever I want.

I have had heartaches and tears too just imagining this helpless betrayed mom just fighting all day long to have access to someone who is rightfully hers.

Secondly, what justice is this? The birth mother is alive and the paternal grandmother claims rights of the child?? To which sane mind is this acceptable? Since when does grandmother come over own mother to a little baby?

Many people comment on her page asking, “why she left her child and went?“.

Yes, it may be a question in many minds. Probably was one for me as well, before I knew her story.

She has acknowledged that it was the BIGGEST mistake she ever made. But  can anyone blame her?  Who ever thinks that trusting their own people will lead to betrayal?

The answer to why she left her child: Their marriage was failing on all fronts, and there was mental, emotional and verbal abuse. And when things became it’s worst ever, she decided to keep her child out of the mess, by leaving him with in-laws (as suggested by them) and solve marital issues before bringing her son back to the United States. And when she agreed to that (to the extent of leaving her son back as well), instead of being true to her, her husband and in-laws start scheming against her and play games to trap her.

Many parents send their kids to grandparents because they simply can’t manage them due to busy schedules, because they can’t afford to bring up kids in other countries, because they feel education is better back at home, or simply because they want to take a break. It’s not uncommon in the Indian tradition,  and so I do not see a reason for hue and cry over that.  More than all the reasons I quoted above, I feel her reason stands out as most valid. It’s what parents would choose to do, to protect their children.

However, that one mistake is what she is paying the price for. So heavily!

How cruel is this world?

Thirdly, I have no idea who ‘the husband’ in her life is, since she has never once mentioned his name or details. And neither has he come on the page to say anything.

Normal people who have HUGE issues with their spouses  get a divorce and let the courts decide on custody. They fight fair and share child custody if they want to be in their kids life.  Unlike her husband, who plans an international kidnap by playing tricks and cheap games to win FAKE custody.

Fourthly, the thing that baffles me about the whole finger-pointing and blame game– Why does his family not have any issues with the father of the child leaving his son behind? Why is his family only blaming her for leaving her child behind? What did their son do any differently that he can still be in the life of his child? 

This poor mum is still in India fighting her battle to get access to her child, while the father of the child is back in the US living his life. And child is taken care of by grandparents. How does this make any sense?

Why is her husband doing this?  He cannot seem to take care of the child and hence left Anhad with grandparents.  Besides that, he thinks its ok to steals the child away from the mother (who is begging to be back in her sons life), and he leaves the child with grandparents. Far away from his sons birth parents. *God please knock some sense into this guys head*

Cos in all his revenge, he fails to see that the victim in all this is HIS OWN son! Yes, he is getting back at his wife in the hardest way possible BUT the child is affected a lot too. Because he is deprived of his birth parents. In this case, the mother is forcibly thrown out of the equation, and the father is miles away. The father clearly does not love his child, because real love would never deprive a child of his basic right, his mother. And a real dad would be there for his son, and not sit miles away, leaving his son to be cared for by grandparents.

Lastly, to deprive a child his own mother, when she is alive, is a sin. A big sin. In my opinion, it should be considered a crime. Enough said!

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How you can help?

Probably in no way. Because like me, you don’t know her. And there’s nothing we can do to speed the case, or change the law, or take matters in our own hands. But if you support the cause: Mother uniting with son, then like her FB page, and spread the word. It’s free.

I know many people like to know both sides of the story before they support a side. And I respect that. No compulsion.

What I think she needs?

Prayers. And more prayers!

Pray this mum is served justice. Pray Anhad experiences his mothers love. Pray Siminder can share her son’s life. Pray the offenders are punished by the Almighty.

Note: Pics in this post are taken from Siminder’s page and Google.com. Also, the lines in this blog (minus her story that I copy-pasted) are entirely my opinion.

Celebrating The Life of the Child over Gorilla

News, posts, reposts ALL read:

“Outrage Grows After Gorilla Harambe Shot Dead at Cincinnati Zoo”

“Harambe, Gorilla Killed at Cincinnati Zoo, ‘Had to Pay the Price’: Experts”

“Astonishing new footage shows gorilla ‘PROTECTING’ boy and holding his hand before being shot dead.”

“Did Harambe the Gorilla Have to Die?”

“Justice for Harambe”

was killed because of the stupid and their irresponsible parenting…their picture should be made public.”

“An endangered animal should not have had to pay with its life because of a lack of supervision

“Rare gorilla murdered by @CincinnatiZoo bc kid got in enclosure. Zoo & bad parents shld be held responsible”

…………. And so many more!!

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What kind of a world are we living in?

The life of a 4 year old was saved. And that’s the only thing that matters.

I am part of online groups that feel the mum is terrible. And I think part of my frustration that led to writing this blog comes from reading their rude comments and opinions.

I have just three things to say to parents who feel they can make no mistake.

1. Who are we to judge?

1000’s of hate posts against the mum.  Why?

Cos we are all perfect parents and we think so highly of ourselves and say, “This would never have happened to my kid!

We can never be too sure. If not a gorilla enclosure, something else. We all know we have made mistakes or decisions we are not proud of. So I do not think we are worthy of humiliating another for an innocent mistake they made.

That mum had four kids.  Having just one kid, I feel my two hands and two legs don’t do the best job.  So having the same two hands, and two legs for four kids, is quite unimaginable.

You need to be vigilant so constantly, and though some mums claim they are super-mums, I do not believe its humanly possible.  Because it takes just a minute for something to go wrong, and mishaps come unannounced.

Also, the witness commented stating that the mum was not busy texting, or applying makeup or anything personal, but this happened while she was watching her kids.

She was putting kids in the strollers – there were four or five kids total – and getting ready to leave the exhibit. She didn’t have him by the hand, and at one point, he must have been behind her, out of sight.” – Read more: http://bit.ly/1Wyf9I6

Yes it takes few seconds for things to go wrong.  And yes, even mums are allowed to have slip-up’s.

The kid told his mum he wants to go into the gorilla exhibit.  True that.  But there are so many things kids say that parents don’t take seriously.  And this was just one of those things.

People trumpeting that piece of information, is the silliest thing I have ever heard. Even federal agencies ignore some amount of information when it comes to warnings they receive.  So that mum is completely justified on ignoring an irrational fantasy on his wish-list.

She did the best she could.  She did not want her son in the gorilla’s grip.  She did not plan for any of this to happen.  So let her go.  She is guilty without you (all the perfect-parents out there) having to remind her so constantly.

2. “The gorilla was protecting the child!”

Did it look that way to you?  In that case, let’s put your kid inside and see if your feelings change?  Would you still empathize with the gorilla or ask the zoo officials to put him down sooner so you can save your child?

Some people may say that involving their child to relate to this incident is not being civil and polite.  But honestly, there’s no “your child/ my child” here. It’s a child’s life. And that’s all there is to it.

Many people say, the kid should have been disciplined, the kid should not be so unruly, the kid lacks common sense bla-bla-bla.  But the truth is, he’s four year old child and does not know any better.  So, keep the finger pointing to yourself.

If you watched the video, you know the gorilla was not being gentle.  Again, maybe the gorilla was being kind and protecting (I do not know about them), but being the 400 pound animal he was, and having that kind of strength while dragging the boy along was enough to tell me that the child’s security was at risk.  He paid no heed to his keepers call either. So please, do not hold that as a reason for saving the life of the gorilla.

Then there’s another set of hate comments for not using a tranquilizer.  The reason for not using one was clearly mentioned by the zoo management.

That would have definitely created alarm in the male gorilla. When you dart an animal, anesthetic doesn’t work in one second, it works over a period of a few minutes to 10 minutes. The risk was due to the power of that animal.

Who are we to judge the training of the Dangerous Animal Response Team?

I am so glad the zoo officials were sensible people.  And reacted quickly to the situation. Though they work with animals, and feel more for them, they knew what mattered more, and they did the right thing and did not waste any time.  Hats off to them!

3. KID over animal.  ANY day!!

There should be no debate over that.  And the fact that the world is screaming emotions in the other direction makes me scared to live in this world.  Thousands of people die regularly for no fault of theirs, and those things do not invoke sentiments or create headlines.

But a gorilla is put to death to SAVE the life of a child, and look at the uproar it’s created. Beyond ridiculous!

All I could imagine when I read the news, saw the video, or read comments was my own son in the same situation.  My heart broke just seeing that child being dragged.  As a mum I don’t know how I would’ve reacted.

We all need to remind ourselves everyday that, “… to err is human“.  And so, let’s not be too soon to judge others, because none of us are perfect. In fact all of us can confidently say that we are very far from that.

Note: I started this blog the day after this incident happened. But I never got a chance to complete it or post it. So it’s a very late post. But one that I feel strongly about, and so I thought I would post it nonetheless.

Please like if you agree with me, or feel free to share your thoughts and comments.

 

 

 

Belated Mother’s Day Wishes!


It can be hard. It can be exhausting.

BUT they bring so much love, joy and smiles, that we would not have known otherwise.

They teach us patience.  They make us realize we are stronger than we can ever imagine.

They constantly challenge us to be better people.

And no matter what, we wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.

Happy Mother’s Day, to all of us, who live the same life in our different styles!

I am not someone who thinks Mother’s Day is hyped.

I feel it’s good to have a day in the year to celebrate your mother and remember everything she did for you.  And if you happen to live in the same location, then most definitely, take her on a date.  If you live across the miles, send her a card, a gift or give her a call.  To her, it’s not a big deal whether you do it or not.  Because she loves you the very same, irrespective.  But she totally deserves it.

I missed hanging out with my mum on Mothers Day.  I dreamed of us doing a pedi together while laughing and chit chatting about life (we have never done this till date).

I think being a mum to your child happens naturally.  It’s a job after your heart (minus the very many times you feel you need a break, lol!).  No one tells you what you need to do and you don’t expect anyone to chalk out a to-do list for you, and neither do you need reminders.  Right?

It’s naturally blended in our biological system.  No clue how or when that happened!  But we know our kids every need, want and even their irrational demands!  My mum knew mine, and still continues to know even though she’s across the miles.  And I am the very same when it comes to Jr.

Oh the things we do for love!

What I did on May 8th?
I woke up to flowers and the cutest lil cake.  Bought by the dear Mr. on behalf of the precious Jr.  It was sweet, and thoughtful.  And made me feel special.  We clicked some pictures and took some videos that we will save for now, to watch sometime much later on #PreciousMemoriesCreated

Side note: I saw pics that mums posted of precious crafty stuff gifted to them by their kids.  My heart kept melting seeing those cutesy keepsakes.  I can’t wait for the day when I will get gifts made by his two tiny-dimpled hands.

The Mr. also took the Jr. out for 2 hours giving the Mrs. the much needed me-time!

What I did during those two hours?
I was happily preparing Jr.’s meals for the week.  No one was yanking at my feet, or screaming with their hands in the air to be carried, or opening drawers and pulling things out, or emptying the unwashed set of vessels in the dishwasher.  I made two dishes for him, separated it into batches and froze it.  I also got the time to peacefully clean up the kitchen and dining spaces.  Oh I also got time to watch two episodes of Army Wives on Netflix laying on the couch.  Yay me!

Love being Mumma to my squishy squashy baby!  That’s a pic of him from several months ago.  Now I can barely get him to stay still for a picture  #TBT to his baby days.

I hope all you Mumma’s had a lovely Mother’s Day too!

Thank you for following my blog.  I am sure most of you are mums.  Who else would follow a blog that’s primarily focused on the life of a lil boy 🙂  #StoriesAboutMyMostPreciousOne

#MumLife #MothersDay #Blessed #AydensMumma #Proud #Son