Supporting a Cause, Supporting another Mother..

Disclaimer: This blog is different. It’s not about me or my son, or my life. It’s about the life of another mom and her son. I do not know them. But I support the cause.

This is a real story, the struggle is real, and it’s harsh reality.

Who is this mum?

Her name is Siminder Kaur. She is an Indian girl who has her family back in India, and was living with her husband and son in the United States until recently.

What is her story?

(In her own words..)

My son was with me and my husband till 15 months of age, and I cared & provided for him, just like any other parent. He was the center of my world and I couldn’t have possibly imagined a world without him, however my worst nightmare has turned into a reality.

Things started to spiral due to some marital issues that got aggravated last year and we decided to leave my son with my husbands’ parents in India in Nov 2015. Due to the pressure and manipulation by my husband and in-laws, I went back to US with my husband to work on our marriage; we mutually agreed that we will bring our son back to his home after 3-4 months while we work on resolving our issues. However things took a turn for the worse when I kept telling my husband to bring our son back and he kept on making excuses and buying time, and in the end, he blatantly refused. We couldn’t resolve our differences. That’s when I realized that he never had the intention of resolving any issues or bringing back our son; it had been a ploy all along. On Apr 21, 2016, I was homeward bound in a desperate attempt to get my son back; with only one week vacation in hand and a return ticket for me and my son. It’s been more than 2 months now and I still haven’t seen my son.

How do I know her?

I must be clear and so I repeat, I do not know this mom personally.  I met her on an online group where she shared her story one post at a time. And then she was asked to create her own FB support page and she did, and thats where I read more about her.

I have had few chats with her (via FB messenger) for answers I was seeking and to clarify details that were puzzling to me.  She seemed straightforward and innocent. Again, I did not dig too deep or cross lines with my questions to her, because I am not her family or close friend.

Nonetheless, being a mother, I support the cause: Reuniting a mother and child.

And that’s solely why I am on it and trying to spread the word.  Doing my small part to ensure justice is served.

Why I care?

Mostly because I have a son almost Anhad’s (her son) age.  And I cannot for the life of me imagine my son being away from me even for a day.  Whenever I read her posts or think of her, I feel how lucky I am to have my son so close to me. All day long– to see, to hug, to hold, whenever he needs it and whenever I want.

I have had heartaches and tears too just imagining this helpless betrayed mom just fighting all day long to have access to someone who is rightfully hers.

Secondly, what justice is this? The birth mother is alive and the paternal grandmother claims rights of the child?? To which sane mind is this acceptable? Since when does grandmother come over own mother to a little baby?

Many people comment on her page asking, “why she left her child and went?“.

Yes, it may be a question in many minds. Probably was one for me as well, before I knew her story.

She has acknowledged that it was the BIGGEST mistake she ever made. But  can anyone blame her?  Who ever thinks that trusting their own people will lead to betrayal?

The answer to why she left her child: Their marriage was failing on all fronts, and there was mental, emotional and verbal abuse. And when things became it’s worst ever, she decided to keep her child out of the mess, by leaving him with in-laws (as suggested by them) and solve marital issues before bringing her son back to the United States. And when she agreed to that (to the extent of leaving her son back as well), instead of being true to her, her husband and in-laws start scheming against her and play games to trap her.

Many parents send their kids to grandparents because they simply can’t manage them due to busy schedules, because they can’t afford to bring up kids in other countries, because they feel education is better back at home, or simply because they want to take a break. It’s not uncommon in the Indian tradition,  and so I do not see a reason for hue and cry over that.  More than all the reasons I quoted above, I feel her reason stands out as most valid. It’s what parents would choose to do, to protect their children.

However, that one mistake is what she is paying the price for. So heavily!

How cruel is this world?

Thirdly, I have no idea who ‘the husband’ in her life is, since she has never once mentioned his name or details. And neither has he come on the page to say anything.

Normal people who have HUGE issues with their spouses  get a divorce and let the courts decide on custody. They fight fair and share child custody if they want to be in their kids life.  Unlike her husband, who plans an international kidnap by playing tricks and cheap games to win FAKE custody.

Fourthly, the thing that baffles me about the whole finger-pointing and blame game– Why does his family not have any issues with the father of the child leaving his son behind? Why is his family only blaming her for leaving her child behind? What did their son do any differently that he can still be in the life of his child? 

This poor mum is still in India fighting her battle to get access to her child, while the father of the child is back in the US living his life. And child is taken care of by grandparents. How does this make any sense?

Why is her husband doing this?  He cannot seem to take care of the child and hence left Anhad with grandparents.  Besides that, he thinks its ok to steals the child away from the mother (who is begging to be back in her sons life), and he leaves the child with grandparents. Far away from his sons birth parents. *God please knock some sense into this guys head*

Cos in all his revenge, he fails to see that the victim in all this is HIS OWN son! Yes, he is getting back at his wife in the hardest way possible BUT the child is affected a lot too. Because he is deprived of his birth parents. In this case, the mother is forcibly thrown out of the equation, and the father is miles away. The father clearly does not love his child, because real love would never deprive a child of his basic right, his mother. And a real dad would be there for his son, and not sit miles away, leaving his son to be cared for by grandparents.

Lastly, to deprive a child his own mother, when she is alive, is a sin. A big sin. In my opinion, it should be considered a crime. Enough said!

How you can help?

Probably in no way. Because like me, you don’t know her. And there’s nothing we can do to speed the case, or change the law, or take matters in our own hands. But if you support the cause: Mother uniting with son, then like her FB page, and spread the word. It’s free.

I know many people like to know both sides of the story before they support a side. And I respect that. No compulsion.

What I think she needs?

Prayers. And more prayers!

Pray this mum is served justice. Pray Anhad experiences his mothers love. Pray Siminder can share her son’s life. Pray the offenders are punished by the Almighty.

Note: Pics in this post are taken from Siminder’s page and Google.com. Also, the lines in this blog (minus her story that I copy-pasted) are entirely my opinion.

Celebrating The Life of the Child over Gorilla

News, posts, reposts ALL read:

“Outrage Grows After Gorilla Harambe Shot Dead at Cincinnati Zoo”

“Harambe, Gorilla Killed at Cincinnati Zoo, ‘Had to Pay the Price’: Experts”

“Astonishing new footage shows gorilla ‘PROTECTING’ boy and holding his hand before being shot dead.”

“Did Harambe the Gorilla Have to Die?”

“Justice for Harambe”

“#harambe was killed because of the stupid and their irresponsible parenting…their picture should be made public.”

“An endangered animal should not have had to pay with its life because of a lack of supervision #CincinnatiZoo #Harambe“

“Rare gorilla #Harambe murdered by @CincinnatiZoo bc kid got in enclosure. Zoo & bad parents shld be held responsible”

…………. And so many more!!

What kind of a world are we living in?

The life of a 4 year old was saved. And that’s the only thing that matters.

I am part of online groups that feel the mum is terrible. And I think part of my frustration that led to writing this blog comes from reading their rude comments and opinions.

I have just three things to say to parents who feel they can make no mistake.

1. Who are we to judge?

1000’s of hate posts against the mum.  Why?

Cos we are all perfect parents and we think so highly of ourselves and say, “This would never have happened to my kid!”

We can never be too sure. If not a gorilla enclosure, something else. We all know we have made mistakes or decisions we are not proud of. So I do not think we are worthy of humiliating another for an innocent mistake they made.

That mum had four kids.  Having just one kid, I feel my two hands and two legs don’t do the best job.  So having the same two hands, and two legs for four kids, is quite unimaginable.

You need to be vigilant so constantly, and though some mums claim they are super-mums, I do not believe its humanly possible.  Because it takes just a minute for something to go wrong, and mishaps come unannounced.

Also, the witness commented stating that the mum was not busy texting, or applying makeup or anything personal, but this happened while she was watching her kids.

“She was putting kids in the strollers – there were four or five kids total – and getting ready to leave the exhibit. She didn’t have him by the hand, and at one point, he must have been behind her, out of sight.” – Read more: http://bit.ly/1Wyf9I6

Yes it takes few seconds for things to go wrong.  And yes, even mums are allowed to have slip-up’s.

The kid told his mum he wants to go into the gorilla exhibit.  True that.  But there are so many things kids say that parents don’t take seriously.  And this was just one of those things.

People trumpeting that piece of information, is the silliest thing I have ever heard. Even federal agencies ignore some amount of information when it comes to warnings they receive.  So that mum is completely justified on ignoring an irrational fantasy on his wish-list.

She did the best she could.  She did not want her son in the gorilla’s grip.  She did not plan for any of this to happen.  So let her go.  She is guilty without you (all the perfect-parents out there) having to remind her so constantly.

2. “The gorilla was protecting the child!”

Did it look that way to you?  In that case, let’s put your kid inside and see if your feelings change?  Would you still empathize with the gorilla or ask the zoo officials to put him down sooner so you can save your child?

Some people may say that involving their child to relate to this incident is not being civil and polite.  But honestly, there’s no “your child/ my child” here. It’s a child’s life. And that’s all there is to it.

Many people say, the kid should have been disciplined, the kid should not be so unruly, the kid lacks common sense bla-bla-bla.  But the truth is, he’s four year old child and does not know any better.  So, keep the finger pointing to yourself.

If you watched the video, you know the gorilla was not being gentle.  Again, maybe the gorilla was being kind and protecting (I do not know about them), but being the 400 pound animal he was, and having that kind of strength while dragging the boy along was enough to tell me that the child’s security was at risk.  He paid no heed to his keepers call either. So please, do not hold that as a reason for saving the life of the gorilla.

Then there’s another set of hate comments for not using a tranquilizer.  The reason for not using one was clearly mentioned by the zoo management.

“That would have definitely created alarm in the male gorilla. When you dart an animal, anesthetic doesn’t work in one second, it works over a period of a few minutes to 10 minutes. The risk was due to the power of that animal.”

Who are we to judge the training of the Dangerous Animal Response Team?

I am so glad the zoo officials were sensible people.  And reacted quickly to the situation. Though they work with animals, and feel more for them, they knew what mattered more, and they did the right thing and did not waste any time.  Hats off to them!

3. KID over animal.  ANY day!!

There should be no debate over that.  And the fact that the world is screaming emotions in the other direction makes me scared to live in this world.  Thousands of people die regularly for no fault of theirs, and those things do not invoke sentiments or create headlines.

But a gorilla is put to death to SAVE the life of a child, and look at the uproar it’s created. Beyond ridiculous!

All I could imagine when I read the news, saw the video, or read comments was my own son in the same situation.  My heart broke just seeing that child being dragged.  As a mum I don’t know how I would’ve reacted.

We all need to remind ourselves everyday that, “… to err is human“.  And so, let’s not be too soon to judge others, because none of us are perfect. In fact all of us can confidently say that we are very far from that.

Note: I started this blog the day after this incident happened. But I never got a chance to complete it or post it. So it’s a very late post. But one that I feel strongly about, and so I thought I would post it nonetheless.

Please like if you agree with me, or feel free to share your thoughts and comments.